"JOEEE....WHY AM I LOSING FRIENDS???!!?!" *Teresa voice*

JACQUELINE LAURITA HAS HAD IT!!

As of last night, a Twitter revelation shocked many "Real Housewives of New Jersey" fans. Jacqueline Laurita, my favorite, revealed that she would not be at the reunion. She also insinuated that she might be leaving the show altogether! : (

From the rumors, it seems that Teresa caused quite a stir at the reunion (or prior to it) that rubbed Jacqueline the wrong way. However, neither of them mentioned the other in their tweets. Instead, they seem to have been replying to each other passive aggressively without the @reply feature. Jacqueline stated that she can't believe how someone could live a different life off-camera and that the fakeness of a cast member would be revealed. Later today, Teresa "replied" by saying she would never call her sister-in-law Melissa a stripper. Then, of course, Melissa replied by denying that she's ever touched the pole! LOL! OH! It gets better! It seems that in one of Teresa's tweets, she was hinting that Jacqueline had been a stripper. I believe she was referring to Jacqueline because the other housewife who is so holier-than-though Carmela Soprano style (a.k.a. Caroline Manzo) has not commented, so it couldn't have been her that Teresa was referring to! Jacqueline was the only person tweeting in-depthly about why she was moving on from the drama of it all. Teresa, learn to be more sneaky! We see right through you! Teresa probably called Melissa a former stripper, and then probably went after Jacqueline (with the same stripper accusation) for being a voice of reason.

PLUS, the real reason I feel there is beef between Teresa and Jacqueline is because Ashley tweeted Teresa saying, "You make me sick. WOW." As we all know, Ashley usually reveals the drama in all situations and has her mother's back no matter what. She went on to tweet (and later delete) that Teresa shouldn't talk about strippers because she may have to be one when her husband goes to jail! ROTFLMAO!

Oh, Ashley, or Ashlee as she is known now, thanks for always revealing things to us even when your mother is trying to be classy. We appreciate you being the antithesis of class. LMFAO!!

Can't wait for Sunday!!

(Photo source: http://blog.zap2it.com/ithappenedlastnight/real-housewives-of-new-jersey-jacqueline-laurita-kim-g.jpg)

Goldilocks, Please Hide Your Stripper Tendencies From Those Grizzlies...Oops, Women!

Well, "Basketball Wives LA" continues with its usual fuckery. I mean, Draya not showing up to Jackie's wedding was that big of a deal? Jackie was just dissing her bachelorette party gift last week! While I'm mentioning Jackie, let me just say that I'm over her and Doug acting like newlyweds. No one is going to celebrate them every year. I'd like to ask Jackie if she even sends presents to her friends on their anniversaries! I doubt it. So, if you don't send other people any congrats or presents, what kind of person are you? A NARCISSIST!!

Jackie brought her self-centered personality to light fully by taking Draya's "invitation rejection" personally. Her not coming to that wedding does not reveal anything about her as a person! If anything, it proves she's the only one with brain cells! All of those women hate her because she's young and pretty, so why would she want to throw herself at the mercy of these linebacker-looking, ratched women??! But Draya has to stop giving these women ammo. Even I was cracking jokes about how comfortable she was on that pole. If you want people to move past your stripper past, you have to avoid poles!! She was so excited to see that pole that I thought someone with money was next to it! LOL! I'll call that a flashback! : D

And Imani!!!! It did not just hit her that she didn't have a man that night. AND WHERE THE FUCK DID HER HISPANIC ACCENT COME FROM?! She truly pulled that out of her ass! Maybe it's to get more camera time. Hell, if it works for Sofia Vegara, then I guess Imani tried it out....and FAILED AT IT! Imani is irrelevant and holier-than-thou. I see no reason as to why she finds it necessary to impose her presence on our TV screens.

Malaysia, OMG....I'm sure the actual country that's your MIDDLE NAME'S namesake hates your guts! This delusional, ignorant heffa actually thinks someone will pay hundreds to thousands of dollars for her ghetto kids jewelry line pieces! No, ma'am!!!! Oh, and we know she didn't go to college because any words that end in "le" just fuck her brain all the way up! Comfortable=ComfortaBOWL, Beautiful=BeautiFOWL.

Lastly, Gloria, Matt is cheating on you and wants to lock you in a basement so he can keep you ignorant and friendless. What man tells their woman they have to pay them back with their body?! Umm...a pimp. Since Matt lacks a fur coat and cane, I'll just call him an 3rd rate NBA, TALENTLESS, asshole. Matt, pay Gloria with an MVP trophy. Don't worry, we'll wait!

Laura, keep seeing that therapist because you can't say stuff like "white is right" just because your Black ex left your ass! As NeNe Leakes so eloquently told Kim Zolciak, "Close your legs to married men!!!" That might solve your problem!

Well, that's all I can muster up concerning these wenches. Next week, Christina will be back to take over this show! I will see you guys on Sunday for "Real Housewives of New Jersey"! It's gonna be Juicy, youse guys! LOL!

Lexi

P.S. Where the hell is Kimsha Artest?! I guess she's fighting crime with her husband "Worldpeace".

(Photo source: http://www.askkissy.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/OutTheCircle-1316811868.jpeg)

19 and Arrested

Well, Bleeps, a 16 & Pregnant alum has done it again. Apparently, Ebony Jackson-Rendon and her hubby Joshua are the latest dummies to be arrested for doing something stupid. You might remember them as the perfect little 16 and pregnant twosome with big plans to enlist in Air Force. Josh did, but because Ebony was already knocked up she could not. We saw them again on one of those "Where are they now" shows, Ebony was a happy housewife cooking meals for Josh and 2 of his air force buddies. Now, The Palm Beach Post News has published a story suggesting that the Rendons were involved in drug trafficking and bad housekeeping. The police seized the home, found human and animal feces, rotten food, and so on...here's an excerpt from the story...

"Jacksonville, Ark. — A couple featured on the first season of the MTV reality show "16 and Pregnant" have lost their child to the state and face criminal charges after officers serving a search warrant found their home was filled with feces, flies and maggots, police said Thursday." For more click the link below...

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/crime/mtv-couple-from-16mtv-couple-from-16-and-pregnant-arrested-face-1875029.html

And shoutout to my FB friends who hipped me to the story....Til Next Time...

xoxo, Christina Rose

(Photo Source: www.palmbeachpost.com)

If It Ain't Broke, Marry It!! (over & over & over...)

What's the biz, Bleeps!! Basketball Wives LA, how do I loathe thee, let me count the ways...These heffas redefine busted, ghetto, & classless each week. Gloria made her once every so often debut, Suzie (of BBW) did too, & Jackie got married....again.

I don't hate Draya like the ladies do. But, I don't necessarily care for her social tactics either. Cali is the land of the shallow, so to invite Malaysia out to see you model in a bikini ain't exactly the right route to getting along. Not to mention, Draya says she used to strip, be in videos, etc...so what was that she was doing in front of the camera but booty shots and video hoe activities? Nevertheless, they seemed to get along pretty well, especially when Malaysia revealed she is a fellow video hoe. Malaysia spilled the beans about Jackie's decision to invite Draya to her wedding.

Imani and Laura got some quality time in. When Laura had her Shaq/Baby Daddy drama, her good friend Imani let her stow away some of her stuff at the house. And what a downgrade it was. She went from a mansion to a two bedroom apartment. They chatted about the perils of being a golddigger, being engaged/married to a rich man, and all the crap they had to put up with as basketball wives/jumpoffs. Cry me a river. We also got to see Imani interact with her kids Spanky and Pup Pup. That whole Color Me Mine scene went....well, boring. The kids hate their dad. No surprise there.

 

 

 

Gloria let us take a glimpse in her world. She's currently coaching a streetball team. I would never have guessed she had any type of sports training. I'm slightly impressed. Her boo, Matt, and Jackie's extra-whipped, very fair skinned hubby came out to help out with the team. Gloria is a tough one.....she cleaned up later when she met with Thuzee. Of course, they went on about how much drama everybody else is....cuz, naturally, neither of them cause anything ever. PS I love that Matt is the best man at Jackie's 999th wedding, but he still aint married Gloria.

 

 

 

Jackie went nuts with her planner getting these nuptuals together. Her mom is still ill so much so that Jackie had to make arrangements for her to be Skyped into her Vegas ceremony....So by now you guys know me, and you know I thought that was ridiculous. You've been married more times that a jailbird beats off and your mama STILL gotta be there...even on her death bed? Whatevs. I mean did anybody else hear her say she'd been married 3 times previously? A white man. A persian man. A homeless man. Really?! The wedding couldn't get into full swing until Jackie's ponytail was tightly pulled to the tippy top of her headdy head. Skype in effect. Black swan wedding gown. Fully beatdown groom. The ceremony was beautimus. Then, the other ladies called attention to the fact that Draya was not in the building. How can this be? Perhaps, Jackie inviting her out of necessity was the reason....oh, but Draya did explain her absence. She went with her girls to do mature, classy stuff (i.e. massages & da club). You know she'll be getting reamed on that later...Til' next time...

 

 

 

xoxo, Christina Rose

(Photo Source: www.sandrarose.com)

Hoe-ly Matrim-Hoe-ny...

What up, Blovelies! This week's Basketball Wives LA definitely delivered...if you ordered a bag of foolery with extra stupidity! Jackie C. is continuing to plan her wedding, Imani is still judgemental, and Gloria is MIA (as usual).

The episode concluded the BET party Draya hosted (why? we don't know). Draya tried to interact with the other classy chicks by showing them what she's like in her element. She bounced her ass in everybody's face, got smashed, and begged to give Malaysia a personal Ob/Gyn checkup. Needless to say, after hearing all the commentary on how Draya ain't lost her stripper ways, the party didn't end well.

As Jackie works with a wedding planner to plan her 16th wedding to her hubby, Doug, the other ladies, Malaysia, Laura, Imani, & Draya plan a bachelorette celebration for her. What I'm not understanding, is how in the world you can get married umpteen times and people are STILL celebrating?! Ok, ok...celebrate your anniversary and maybe every few years (say 10,20, so on) get married again. But, every year? And since I'm your friend, I have to buy you a bachelorette gift every year? Fail. Some things are just overkill, such as: Jackie's ponytail, her airplane wedding, Malaysia's twat (which Draya died to see), and so forth.

Anyhow, there was a serious moment during the show in which Jackie and her bucktoof sister were talking with their ailing mother. Her mom is suffering from cancer which they believe is on its way to being terminal, if not already. Jackie expressed that there is a possibility her mom won't make it to Wedding 16, but that she is really hoping mom will because she's the maid of honor. PAUSE. Was I the only one who laughed at that?? Not at her mom's illness, but who (sick or dying) makes their 90 year old mama their maid of honor?? Its just so....laughable. Alright, I'm going to hell.

We spent the rest of the episode at the bachelorette party of the year! In true BBWLA fashion, bustedness was alive and well. 1st of all, where in thee hell did they get that greasy stripper? His back was covered in craters or as Draya put it backne. SN: Imani thought that was hilarious. So, I guess she likes Draya now? *kanye shrug* Regardless, stripper man who climbed out of every uniform including police and firefighter did make that mon-ay. That gives hope to all you greasy, pimply meat heads out there. Then, the piece de resistance, a FEMALE stripper. What I didn't understand was, they hired this lady who WERKED if you ask me, and then they dogged her out in the confessionals for taking her clothes off. Um, she IS a stripper, right? Thus, she did her job. These ladies are never satisfied....

Next week, we get to find out the details of Jackie's 3 previous marriages (prior to Doug). That should be interesting considering she'd like us all to believe she must've gotten married at 12 to have done it so many times and still be young. Til next time...

xoxo, Christina Rose

(Photo Source: www.necolebitchie.com/basketballwivesLA)

Revenge of the Cupcakes!!!

Hi, Bleeps! This week's episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey brought us the usual Guidice shenanigans, Manzo wisecracks, and Gorga foolery. The kids stole the show this week, so we'll talk about that later. Let's get to it.....

The show began with all the families preparing to run a charity 5K event. Of course the obnoxiously greasy Wakiles show up ready to kick some ass, Teresa and Joe were late, and the Manzos find a way to make fun of the event and cheat all at the same time. Other than a few side comments on how lame Tre and Joe are, I could've done without seeing it at all.

We got to sit in on an awkward family feud conversation among Jacqueline, Caroline, and Teresa about last week's foolishness between Joe Guidice and Joey G. (Teresa's bro). Caroline made a chilling comment: "Real men don't fight over texts". I couldn't agree with her more!! I don't know any men who take the time to call each other names and trash talk via text. This whole fight just goes to the evidence that both Joes go out of their way for attention. Neither is as manly as they'd like us to believe. Anyhow, that fight naturally leads to one between Teresa and Melissa (you know, On Display, On Display, On Display). This whole family is filled with childish and untalented people. Tre and Meliss were trying to figure out if the fight would hinder Uncle Joey G from coming to Milania's 5th birthday party. We'll come back to that...

Meanwhile, at the Manzo mansion, Lauren is still down on herself for being fat. I kind of feel like we've had this discussion. Frankly, I can't feel sorry for someone complaining about being fat and not liking how she looks as she stuffs a frickin' meatball & marinara down the shaft. In this world, we have many options. One being--gastric bypass. Another being--exercise. Another? Plastic surgery. Your parents are ballers. Pay the money and shut up awready!! PS your fat boyfriend thinks your hot, ergo, live long and prosper.

Back to Milania's birthday party....she, along with her 3 sisters, and Antonia Gorga are members of the elite group called the Cupcake Brigade. The Cupcakes can be spotted throwing fits, acting spoiled, and rocking fantastically fluffy frocks. I usually don't comment too much on the kids cuz their kids, but this week they brought it upon themselves. In true Guidica fashion, Tre went all out for her favorite baby. We're talking pizza, 99 cent decor, and a homemade birthday cake. Budget free, baby! As Tre and Milania prepared for the fabulous birthday bash, Milania didn't care for the dress her toad mother chose for her. My guess is it wasn't fluffy enough. She cried and moaned until she could wear the perfect dress--pink with many, many layers--matches the pizza sauce swagg! The party went on with all Milania's obnoxious, spoiled lil' bastard friends. They demanded pizza and ran around like monsters. At cake time, things got serious. Gia, Milania's fab older sister, wanted to share something special with the group in honor of her baby sis. **Skkkkkuuuurrrrt* Does everyone in this family have some sort of talent complex?? I mean first with Gia's modeling, Teresa's cookbooks, and Melissa's singing...SPARE ME. Even though Gia's a kid and I'll likely go to hell over this....the not 1 but 2 songs she shared with us brought me to tears....the kind you cry when you're in captivity or facing uncertain pain. The lyrics included telling her parents and uncle how stupid and immature they are for this family feud. While the lyrics were, um, poignant, I think the delivery could use some work. I'll stop there. Anyhow, the episode ended with some temporary mature behavior as a result, but next week we'll be right back. Til then.....

xoxo, Christina Rose

(Photo Source: www.nj.com/realhousewivesofnewjersey)

I Guess Today's Judgement Day, and U Peter?!

Hey Bleepers! Basketball Wives LA makes the Miami chicks look like the Red Hat Ladies or something. These ghetto, unclassy ladies are delivering just what the doctor, or in this case Shaunie O'Neal, ordered. Foolishness!! So, let the games begin...

We left off last week with the ladies giving Malaysia (aka LaQuesha) from Compton and Tanya (aka Strawnjay) a hard time. Gloria's rat-tastic sister, Laura, and Malaysia exchanged words and later on blows. This week, we saw that conclusion of that incident in which LaQuesha was (somewhat) victorious. Everybody in the camera crew had to get involved and so on. If you let some tell it, they'd say Laura only got truly mad after Quesha called her fat as the "hoodrat" comment didn't seem to phase her. Christina Rose agrees....

We spent the entire episode discussing the fight, listening to the ladies choose sides, and give anybody who didn't jump in a difficult time over it. And by "anybody", I do mean Tanya. She proceeded to tell them that she is too classy to be breaking up no fight she didn't start. She drinks champagne and gets her dreads done...in that order.

As we continued on in Ghettopolis, Gloria introduced her new flunkie to the group, Draya. Here are some stats on Miss Dray: ex-girlfriend to several professional athletes, mother, ex-stripper, and newest fall person on BBW LA. Gloria has taken a liking to her likely for these reasons. Draya joined the girls for the first time to exercise in the park. Imani, who I still don't quite know yet, judged her immediately. She pretended to know who Draya was, all the guys she dated, etc. Of course, Draya did say something to Imani about her own relationship (or past one) which Imani didn't like. So, maybe Draya can thank herself for painting the target on her back.

Meanwhile, Jackie Christie, wife to Doug Christie, is a bit of a judger on this show as well. A little background on Mrs. Jackie?? Well, she's infamous in the league as the clingiest bball wife. She followed her husband to every game, every night, and in every locker room. So when she voiced her opinion of Tanya (you know, the one that wouldn't get involved in the fight), she said she didn't trust anyone. Ya think? All the basketball players of that time period HATE Jackie. HATE. Anyway, we know for sure she doesn't care for Tanya, but I don't think she cares too tough for Draya or Malaysia either. Next week, we'll see if her ponytail gets any thicker....SPOILER ALERT: It won't.

Her Rat-ness, Laura, didn't waste anytime explaining to us where all this aggression she's showing is coming from. We witnessed a conversation with her mom, Gloria Sr., and Gloria, er, Jr., as she discussed needing some psychiatric assistance with all this anger she has. She notes that Malaysia was likely a victim of said anger. She decided at that point to schedule an apology meeting. She and Malaysia brought their sisters as they got involved in the shenanigans too...In the end, the rats agreed to disagree and moved on...

In other news, all the ladies agreed to go to a Passion Party....little did we know, that meant "passion" philosophically. This party's host didn't come in with sex toys, she came in with words of wisdom and advice--a life coach. Who throws a passion party with a life coach? These lames, that's who. This lady's bright idea for togetherness was to have the ladies write an adjective anonymously to describe each other. I guess she forgot to mention that the words should be positive. One of Draya's words? Worthless. I got $5 for the first guess on who wrote that....You guessed it. Our resident judgy heffa, Imani. We didn't find that information out until the other nosy/scary tricks in the room admitted that they did NOT write that about her. Of course that left Imani who stated "this isn't the time or place to discuss this". Well, Imani, what you're saying is, it was the time and place to say it, but it ain't the time to say why? Uh huh. Bye. That comment pushed me over the edge. Imani has been engaged for 9 years...and now I see why. I don't know who I hate more, grease monger, Meeka, or Imani. We'll see over the next few weeks....chime in bleeples. I'd like to hear what you thought....'til next time.

xoxo, Christina Rose

(Photo Source: www.mrsgrapevine.com)