Strippergate

Ola, Blovers!! Hope all is well in your world. Things are rosey in my neck of the woods. As you can tell by the title, I came to give you guys the tea on the Real Housewives of New Jersey finale. Its been a long time coming, but it finally came. What is "it"? Teresa Guidice's evil likeness on the screen. I will talk more definitively about that in a minute...Let's get started shall we?

Over the past seasons of RHONJ, my preferences for characters has changed dramatically. I used to be a huge Teresa fan, only tolerating Caroline Manzo, hating Kathy Wakile, and kind of liking regular fence rider, Jacqueline Laurita. Since the progression of the show, I CANNOT stand Teresa. If you are Tre fan, I suggest you stop reading now, or swallow your pride as I warm up the fire for her roasting session. I rather like Kathy Wakile now due largely to her sister, Rosie. And, I think the Gorgas are hilarious.

Jacqueline had a little less drama this season because she sent her daughter, Ashlee, away. That girl is one big ball of crazy. I'm sure both Jacq and her hubby, Chris, were appreciative of that break. She planned a trip for the entire cast to enjoy one another in hilly San Diego. It was a successful trip until Caroline and Teresa had their big falling out. We recently found out that Jacq's son, Nick, has autism. She had been trying the entire 1st season attempting to get pregnant and did. Our hearts go out to her family as they transition to caring for a child with issues like his.

Caroline's family is known for their Brownstone and other business ventures. This season, we saw her sons and brother, Chris (Jacq's hubby), begin selling their BLK water and wine projects. Lauren has been whining all season about losing weight and being seen in the same spotlight as her brothers. Well, her daddy bought her the LapBand and has lost 35 pounds. Congratulations, girl. Will you just marry Vito now, get pregs, and gain that weight back? The whining is not attractive. Thanks.  Caroline has demonstrated her disdain for Teresa all season. So, it was no surprise that they were at each other's throats on the trip. Caroline turned 50 and has been spreading her wisdom all over the radio waves. Looks like its was somewhat successful....*sideeye*. She and past castmate/sister, Dina, are still well into it....which she blames squarely on Teresa. I don't know how much of that I believe. But, that's what she's saying.

Kathy's family is always up to funny antics. They are the light part of the show. This season, we saw her develop her culinary treats and sell them to a company. She is now a bonafide pastry chef now. Her hubby, Rich, has been the usual quick-witted perv we all have grown to love/loathe. The kids aren't up to much. Victoria looked for colleges outside of NJ just to end up going somewhere locally anyway. My guess is the dorm rooms were a big discourager. Rosie came out to her niece and nephew during the show. That was a heart warming moment....despite the fact that the WHOLE rest of the world knew this already. Shout out to Rosie for using Bravo to hunt for honeys!

Teresa has spent this whole season plugging her time on The Apprentice and her Fabulicious cookbooks. I should point out that these cookbooks are filled with recipes developed on the backs of sweaty, old Italian mamas and papas....none of which are Teresa Guidice. She admits that the recipes are her mothers, friends, and whoever else. So, kudos to all you do do birds buying this book knowing full well she ain't make up not a one of these recipes. You light up my life! Her girls have provided me with all kinds of entertainment this year...especially that Milania. I call her "Milaniac". That gal is 3 feet of honesty. She called her parents out every chance she got including blowing the whistle on Tre's hubby sleeping in his own room. She also said that her daddy never wants to see his kids. iDied!!!! Did you catch Joe in the vineyard talking to his "employee" and calling his wife a "F***ing C***"?? Oh yeah, me neither. *looks other way like Teresa*


Melissa has been soaring to the top ever since her debut on the show. She has taken advantage of the spotlight by jump starting her music career. She's released "On Display" and "I Just Wanna Party" and they've done fairly well on iTunes. I, personally, do not care for Melissa's music, but I do like laughing at her and her frisky hubby, Joey Gorga. There kids are adorable, and according to Meliss, her house is paid for. All things that probably frustrates her sis-in-law, Tre. They haven't gotten along since Melissa and Joe were married. You can read past blogs for more detail on just how deep this bad blood goes. But, this finale show is probably the biggest indicator.

Teresa hooked up with NJ mess maker, Kim D. You've seen her. She looks like the Pelican Brief by the face and is now wearing blonde weave....very becoming. The twosome visited a salon to get prepped for Kim D's annual fashion show. You remember....the one that has dreadful fashions, no name models, and terrible decor. These women fight at this fashion show every year. I don't even know why they keep going to this Dollar Tree production. Anywho, Kim D's friend, Bald Guy, showed up at the salon to tell Teresa that her sister in law is a former stripper. Teresa played dumb and asked him to please stop. Yet, BG showed up at the fashion show and greeted Melissa right out the gate. Melissa claimed that she knew him, but she didn't know him. The whole situation blew up with BG going around saying he set out to embarrass Melissa. Tre confronted Melissa on her past. This ignited a HUGE fight among family.

 Joey G. was called. Text messages were being sent the entire time to Jacqueline, who informed Caroline, who talked bad about Teresa for the rest of the night. You see the pattern here?? My only comment for this whole thing is to wonder, "what does it matter anyway?". I really don't care if Melissa dropped it or not. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Tre did too. This is just disgusting and it shows just how immature Teresa is. She is guilty in my court of law. Point blank.

Next week begins the saga of reunion shows that I'm sure will entertain. I'm tuning in. How about you??
'Til next time....

xoxo, Christina Rose
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Jersey Jabs

Hey Blovies!! How goes it?! Welp, last week Lexi kicked it off with the ladies of Dirty Jersey! That's right, the Real Housewives of New Jersey are back. They are just the right amount of rich mixed with a little rachet! Without further ado...

Jacqueline has been having problems with Ashlee since the beginning of time. However, up until recently, Chris Laurita (Jacqie's hubby) has been unmoved by Ashlee's antics. He's bought her car after car and dealt with her bull-ish. But, this season, even HE's sick of her. Finally!! They decided last week to cart her off to boot camp with her aunt and uncle in Las Vegas.  I, personally, think Vegas is the exact wrong place to send a wild-child, Kesha-like creature like Ashlee. Thankfully, she isn't my kid. This week Albie attempted dropping Kesha's twin off at the airport, but not without hearing 1001 excuses of anxiety and depression to keep her from making the journey. The complaints fell on deaf ears.....Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Jacqie threw a family/friend gathering. No shock Ashlee missed her flight and showed up at the house expecting to be welcomed. FAIL. Chris carted dat ass back the airport and made certain she hopped her butt on that plane.

At the party, the gang was all there including Melissa & Joe Gorga, Rich and Kathy Wakile, Caroline Manzo and gang (minus Albert), and Teresa and Joe Guidice. The party seemed to be going well until Teresa brought up that damned cookbook! I have never seen a cookbook cause so much raucous. Apparently, nobody told Teresa that writing a cookbook doth not equal writing a real book. There was a big blow up about the book at last year's reunion show. Teresa slammed just about everybody mentioned earlier and tried to call it a joke. Safe to say no one laughed. That fiasco ended and the guys went downstairs for a game. Juicy Joe Guidice bragged about how awesome he is for the -enth time until he attempted to compare height with Rich Wakile. You know Rich. The greasy guy Kathy's married to. Joe took the argument too far when he reached for Rich's balls (literally) and Rich put a nice shiner right on Joe's eye. That's the moment Rich gained a lil' respect from me. He is still greasy but a tiny bit less skeazy.

In other news, Housewives gone Popstars is still in full effect over at Bravo!. Melissa is not the first and won't be the last. She has recruited some top name producers to help her with her long-awaited sure to be platinum album. I can't! Her latest single is called "How Many Times" which is aptly named because I found myself thinking, "how many times are they gonna make us listen to this crap?". I know you guys watch and have opinions too. I'd love to hear what you think of her song. We got to see where Joey G. (Gorga) works and all the buildings he owns (each one named for his children). Blah blah blah.

Anybody surprised Teresa & Joe's pizza shop is closed? Who's the top business closer, Peter (RHOA) or Joe (RHONJ)?? You be the judge.

Next week, Teresa will face off with everybody for what I'm sure is more foolishness with the raciest cookbook ever written.

'Til next time....

xoxo, Christina Rose

(Photo Source: http://starcasm.net/archives/154180)
(Photo Source: http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2012/04/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-recap-poker-face/)

Revenge of the Cupcakes!!!

Hi, Bleeps! This week's episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey brought us the usual Guidice shenanigans, Manzo wisecracks, and Gorga foolery. The kids stole the show this week, so we'll talk about that later. Let's get to it.....

The show began with all the families preparing to run a charity 5K event. Of course the obnoxiously greasy Wakiles show up ready to kick some ass, Teresa and Joe were late, and the Manzos find a way to make fun of the event and cheat all at the same time. Other than a few side comments on how lame Tre and Joe are, I could've done without seeing it at all.

We got to sit in on an awkward family feud conversation among Jacqueline, Caroline, and Teresa about last week's foolishness between Joe Guidice and Joey G. (Teresa's bro). Caroline made a chilling comment: "Real men don't fight over texts". I couldn't agree with her more!! I don't know any men who take the time to call each other names and trash talk via text. This whole fight just goes to the evidence that both Joes go out of their way for attention. Neither is as manly as they'd like us to believe. Anyhow, that fight naturally leads to one between Teresa and Melissa (you know, On Display, On Display, On Display). This whole family is filled with childish and untalented people. Tre and Meliss were trying to figure out if the fight would hinder Uncle Joey G from coming to Milania's 5th birthday party. We'll come back to that...

Meanwhile, at the Manzo mansion, Lauren is still down on herself for being fat. I kind of feel like we've had this discussion. Frankly, I can't feel sorry for someone complaining about being fat and not liking how she looks as she stuffs a frickin' meatball & marinara down the shaft. In this world, we have many options. One being--gastric bypass. Another being--exercise. Another? Plastic surgery. Your parents are ballers. Pay the money and shut up awready!! PS your fat boyfriend thinks your hot, ergo, live long and prosper.

Back to Milania's birthday party....she, along with her 3 sisters, and Antonia Gorga are members of the elite group called the Cupcake Brigade. The Cupcakes can be spotted throwing fits, acting spoiled, and rocking fantastically fluffy frocks. I usually don't comment too much on the kids cuz their kids, but this week they brought it upon themselves. In true Guidica fashion, Tre went all out for her favorite baby. We're talking pizza, 99 cent decor, and a homemade birthday cake. Budget free, baby! As Tre and Milania prepared for the fabulous birthday bash, Milania didn't care for the dress her toad mother chose for her. My guess is it wasn't fluffy enough. She cried and moaned until she could wear the perfect dress--pink with many, many layers--matches the pizza sauce swagg! The party went on with all Milania's obnoxious, spoiled lil' bastard friends. They demanded pizza and ran around like monsters. At cake time, things got serious. Gia, Milania's fab older sister, wanted to share something special with the group in honor of her baby sis. **Skkkkkuuuurrrrt* Does everyone in this family have some sort of talent complex?? I mean first with Gia's modeling, Teresa's cookbooks, and Melissa's singing...SPARE ME. Even though Gia's a kid and I'll likely go to hell over this....the not 1 but 2 songs she shared with us brought me to tears....the kind you cry when you're in captivity or facing uncertain pain. The lyrics included telling her parents and uncle how stupid and immature they are for this family feud. While the lyrics were, um, poignant, I think the delivery could use some work. I'll stop there. Anyhow, the episode ended with some temporary mature behavior as a result, but next week we'll be right back. Til then.....

xoxo, Christina Rose

(Photo Source: www.nj.com/realhousewivesofnewjersey)

Excuse Me, I'm Tawkin' To You!

Hi Bleepers, it's time once again to discuss the tragedy that is The Real Housewives of New Jersey! Don't get me wrong, I heart the show, but I hate the Ashleys, Kathys, and Melissas of the world....Let's dive in, shall we?!

Last week's episode left off with Ashley and Jacqueline arguing about the usual--Ashley's sorryassness. I've never seen someone so lazy act so professional at it. She really does make a career out of doing nothing and whining about it. Apparently, Ashley got the bright idea to move to LA for school, get her own house, and live it up. There are only 3 problems with this plan. Numero Uno? Don't you have to apply to school to move away and go to school?? Numero Dos? She ain't got no monies...yes, monies. Thus, purchasing a home is a no. Numero Tres? To live you must do something else besides breathe. I predict a failure in her midst, but what the hell do I know, right?! Then, she takes it a step further and lightweight calls her mama a dummy for getting married and having a baby young. Um, Ashley, you were the baby, so are you saying you'd rather not exist?? Whatever. Jacqueline swears she's tired of Ashley's disrespect and bullies her hubby into kicking Ashley out of the house. Score 1 for Jackie!! Finally, she does what is needed. I just wish she had've thrown a punch in there somewhere and it would've been perfect. Alas...Last but not least, Ashley went a'cryin to Lauren (Carolyn's no nonsense daughter) about her mom. But, if you remember correctly, Lauren has a makeup store opening soon and asked Ashley to design the t-shirt logo/design. Think she did it? You'd be right...she didn't. Lauren politely told Ashley if she can't get this design done in the week she has left, that her services would no longer be needed. She also told her that if she weren't her cousin, she'd have been fired weeks ago. Ugh...

Kathy and the Wakile clan are up to their usual...cooking food and making people eat it. She decided to throw a Middle Eastern dinner party to try out some of her catering skills on friends and family. All the ladies were invited including Teresa. But before the party started, Melissa came in running her mouth. From now on her name will be "RunTelDat" because that's exactly what she is always doing where Teresa is concerned. I can see clearly why Teresa doesn't care for her. No trust. Anyway, Melissa made sure to let Kathy know that Teresa called her hubby, Rich, a weirdo and said he might be obsessed with her. Kathy didn't take it as hard as I expected....likely because she agrees...Luckily, Melissa running her mouth didn't stop the party. Caroline, Jackie, Tre, Meliss, and Kathy ate and laughed...until Kathy pulled out the "goddess" bracelets she had for everyone. Of course, rather than just accept the gift for what it is Teresa chose to take offense the the goddess-like quality Kathy gave her. The quality was that no matter how tough times get Teresa can always put on a smile. Kathy was likely referring to Tre's money problems...more on that later. This sent Tre over the edge and got her, Meliss, and Kathy in a bit of an argument. Kathy prepared for that though...enter the belly dancers. Kathy is a character. This is the most I've ever really cared about her other than her entertaining sister, Rosie. I need more Rosie....

Now, back to Tre's money issues...we found out some intimate details on the Guidice money woes. Apparently Joe's business partner was suing both Joe and Teresa respectively. He thought he was owed by them both! I love that. A deal had taken place in which this biz partner was not present but Joe decided he would be ok with. The deal involved about $260,ooo worth suing over. Joe admitted in open court that he signed the partner's name even though he was not present. During the show commentary, Joe and Teresa were complaining about how you can't be truthful nowadays because you'll get into trouble. Uh, when you're honest about doing something illegal you will...DUH! I mean really, did they learn nothing from Casey Anthony or Bill Clinton? Never tell the truth LOL! The suit against Tre was dropped because legally she really didn't have anything to do with Joe's stupidity. But, Joe was found culpable for the money. As for their personal property? It was settled in a private sale....the buyer? Teresa Guidice. She paid the money for the suit and bought all their stuff back. Bravo must pay very, very well. Sign me up...

Next week, we can expect more family foolery and sorry Ashley sightings... Til then....

xoxo, Christina Rose

(Photo Source: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2011/08/22/2011-08-22_real_housewives_of_new_jersey_ep14_recap_kathy_hosts_goddess_party_jacqueline_ki.html?r=entertainment)